Avoiding Responsibility

I love going to the cinema. I always have. From the times that my wee grandma took my brother and I to town and spoilt us rotten at the candy bar, I've enjoyed all that comes with going to the cinema. And really, the movie itself isn't all its about. The smell of pre-cooked over-salted popcorn, the wonder-what-previews-we'll-get anticipation, and the snotty kids in the back row who don't understand that it's not their loungeroom and their conversation is not that important that it can't wait until after the film has finished; these are what make cinema what I enjoy.

So I was suprised to see the new advertising campaign being shown in the cinema here in Glasgow. I understood the words they used, but their meaning seemed a little perverse.

In an effort to combat piracy, these new ads compare the quality of pirated movies with the real-deal-haemroid-dislodging-dolby-digital-thx-5.1-surround-sound-mega-super-stadiumplex cinema. But lets face it, even on a 21 metre wide screen with body-forming seats and speakers that will restart failed pacemakers, a shit film is, well, shit.

For instance, the film that they were promoting in this particular advertisement was 'The Fantastic Four'. Now I was prejudiced from the start, because I always thought the cartoon series of the Fantastic Four was pretty crap. But a film whose heredity is mired in crap can still shine through and entertain, as long as it has the basics of all good cinema: engaging storyline, believeable characters, well-cast actors who can act, and dialog that fits the setting. Fantastic Four - had none of these. It was utter shite from the opening to the closing credits.

Lets have a look at some of the absolute worst of a very bad year of Hollywood cinema:

* Elektra
* Are We There Yet?
* The Pacifier
* Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous
* Sahara
* A Lot Like Love
* House of Wax
* Son of the Mask
* Monster-In-Law
* The War of the Worlds
* Dukes of Hazard
* The Honeymooners
* Herbie Fully Loaded
* The Longest Yard
* Stealth

Is it any wonder that Hollywood is going to the toilet? That cinema audiences have consistently declined for the last 19 months? Why do you continue to pump out this detristiss, expecting the public to blindly stump up great wads of cash for what will ultimately be a disappointing experience? Do you take your customers for being complete idiots?

I would like to pose a question to all those Hollywood exec's who are spending many millions of dollars on trying to get people to stop watching pirated films: why do you expect us to care about the sound and picture quality of a shit film? If you insult us by making such drivel, we certainly won't reward you by paying for the 'priviledge' to watch it! Here's a tip to get bums back on seats - go and get some young scriptwriters with new story ideas!